Posts Tagged "sagging breast"

Dear Breasts: A Mommy’s Open Letter

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Dear Breasts: A Mommy’s Open Letter

Dear Breasts, We’ve been avoiding eye contact, and I know it’s been awhile since we last spoke. Recently, we both said some things we didn’t mean. I guess we’ve always had a difficult relationship. As a teenager I put pressure on you to be someone that you weren’t in order for me to keep up with the other faster growing girls. I apologize for the time my mother caught me smearing you in Hellman’s mayonnaise because my friend Amber Scott told me this was the best way to make you grow. Needless to say, we were unable to make potato salad that night. It wasn’t until college that I...

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Cosmetic Surgery: Sign Me Up?

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Cosmetic Surgery: Sign Me Up?

Mommy Magician:          Gather round children. Would you like to see a magic trick? <magician sticks fist through the middle of her stomach> Children:                                Eww, Yuck! How did you do that? Mommy Magician:          It’s called Diastasis Recti. Children:                                 What does that mean? Mommy Magicians:        It means that when you little creeps were born, you split your mother’s abdominal muscles and her stomach has never looked right since! If God gave women the blessing of childbirth, than the devil is responsible for her body’s...

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