Life Is All One FREAKING Test!

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My poor S Dot…

No matter how much you plan the unexpected will happen. You lay your clothes out for work the night before just to spend a hour the next morning trying to find your bra. Before leaving the house, you save an address in your phone’s GPS just to spend the next hour lost, in the car, trying to locate a signal; you pick out the perfect outfit for your son, rush him to his first preschool open-house and as soon as you park the car he throws-up all over his clothes and car seat. It never freaking fails!

It’s like one of my favorite Alanis Morissette songs, “Ironic”.

 “…An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay
It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think…”

What can I say, I went through a dark period in high school?

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It never fails…

But, true to her lyrics, life is ironic.  And I am discovering that the irony is no clearer than when you have children. Personally, I pride myself on being a good planner, but there is no amount of planning that a child can not undo. I love my S Dot, but his timing sucks! I swear, sometimes I think he’s doing it on purpose. All day, my son will run and play around the house and 10 minutes before my family or friends come over to see him…“CRASH”! Somehow this little boy has tripped over the same rug he had been running over ALL DAY. He lands face down on the hard wood floor, his lip is bleeding and he has a knot the size of a plum in the center of his forehead. The doorbell rings and people enter the house to the sound of a screaming toddler with blood pouring from his mouth.

“…A traffic jam when you’re already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It’s meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think…”

I am convinced that children are a living, walking, breathing “emergency drill”.  They help parents learn to act fast on their feet, stay fluid. I am not where I want to be, but I am a hell of a lot more flexible than I use to be, and that is thanks to my son, “The Emergency Drill”!

 “…Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face…”

 My diary entry is this, “BEEEEEP! This is only a test. BEEEEEP! If this had been an actual emergency, there would be no broadcast station to help us!”

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